


be still, my indelible friend

by IgnoreThePineapples



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Fluff, Haircuts, Hurt/Comfort, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, but not having sex, it's my attempt at wholesome, just remus looking after sirius, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 12:30:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18410690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnoreThePineapples/pseuds/IgnoreThePineapples
Summary: There was something slumped up against Remus’ front door. It looked almost like a pile of black fabric, but when it shuffled and groaned it became very clear that it was, in fact, a wanted fugitive.“Oh, Sere.” Remus voice was soft.The lump blinked up at him and grinned. “Hey, Moons."





	be still, my indelible friend

**Author's Note:**

> this is not beta read, and was literally written today to procrastinate studying for my upcoming exams. so please be kind. title comes from 'wasteland, baby!' by hozier because i'm soft and gay.

There was something slumped up against Remus’ front door. It looked almost like a pile of black fabric, but when it shuffled and groaned it became very clear that it was, in fact, a wanted fugitive.

“Oh, Sere.” Remus voice was soft.

The lump blinked up at him and grinned. “Hey, Moons. Dumbledore told me to come here. Guess he didn’t expect you to be out.”

Sirius had been on the run across the globe for the better part of a year, the last few months hidden in a cave near Hogwarts, and that was clear just to look at him. He was gaunt, emaciated and hadn’t washed in a substantial amount of time. His hair was even longer than it had been, and even more matted.

Remus shook his head. “Let’s get you inside.”

Sirius leaned heavily against him as he levered him up, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. Remus used one hand to fish around in his pocket for his key, and had just got the door open when Sirius jolted upright.

“Buckbeak! He’s in the woods round the back, I need to go get him.”

Remus tutted, manouvering Sirius inside. “You can hardly look after yourself right now. Buckbeak will be fine.”

The corridor was dark and cluttered, stacks of books and shoes lining the path. Sirius, unused to the mess, kept tripping, and cursed quietly. Remus set him down gently on the couch and knelt in front of him, cataloguing the state he was in. Sirius looked down at him, blinking his eyes in an attempt to keep them open. Remus shushed him, stroking his cheek.

“Do you want to sleep here, or should I carry you to my bed?”

“Oh, how romantic.” Sirius yawned. “You know, I haven’t slept in a bed in 14 years?”

“That’s settled, then.”

Remus scooped him up, trying to ignore that Sirius was far, far too light. Sirius nuzzled into his neck, murmuring something he couldn’t quite hear, and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck. Remus deposited him on the bed, tugging the sheets and blankets over him. Sure that Sirius was already asleep, he made to leave, but just as he did a spindly hand shot out, catching his wrist.

“Stay.”

“Okay.”

He shrugged off his jacket and shoes, and settled down next to Sirius. Neither touched, except that Remus reached out and retook Sirius’ hand in his, squeezing gently. Sirius did not squeeze back. He was asleep.

\--

When he woke up the next morning, Sirius was already watching him. His matted hair was swept away from his face, and his eyes, though still sunken, no longer looked blank or tired the way they had at the Shack. He looked almost content.

“G’morning,” Remus said softly.

“Morning.”

Remus took a long moment before he sat up, stretching. Sirius watched him.

“I’m going to make breakfast.”

“Okay.”

“You stay here.”

“Okay.”

Remus nodded. He tore himself away, going into the kitchen and rifling through the cupboards for food. He managed to scrounge together some eggs and bacon, which he threw into a large frying pan.

The door to his bedroom was still open, and he could see Sirius shifting, still wrapped in the sheets. All of a sudden it was 1980 and they had just moved into their first tiny flat together in London, Sirius fucked out and grumbling as Remus insisted he needed to get up for work. The memory was disarming and Remus shook his head, trying to dislodge it. They were both very different men to the ones they had been all those years ago.

Just as he was dishing up, Sirius loped into the kitchen. He had always been tall, but the years of malnourishment and confinement made him seem as though he towered. The clothes he wore were torn and ill-fitting, clinging in strange places and baggy in others.

His eyes lit up as he saw the food, and he had practically inhaled it before Remus had even sat at the table.

“Moony, that’s- thank you.”

“Whatever you need. Speaking of which, do you fancy a bath?”

“Very much so.”

Remus ate slowly, watching Sirius watching him. Sirius had always been fidgety, but now it almost seemed like a compulsion. He drummed his fingers on the table, picked at his nail beds, combed his fingers through his tangled hair.

“You don’t have to sit there, you know. You could always explore the cottage.”

“I’m fine here.”

Remus nodded. He cleared up their finished plates and cutlery, dumping it in the sink. He walked over to the bathroom, before looking back to where Sirius was stood awkwardly. He nodded towards his bedroom. “Grab some clothes,” he said, “I’ll run you a bath.”

Sirius nodded, ducking out of view.

He ran the water warm, but not hot, and poured in one of the soothing potions he tended to save for after full moons. As the tub filled, he collected a pile of hair products, combs, brushes and scissors together. Sirius stood at the door frame, watching him swirl the water.

“Would you- would you help me?”

“Of course. Your hair, or-“

“Yeah, my hair.”

Remus stood, letting Sirius place the bundle of clothes on the toilet lid. “Do you want me to leave while you undress?”

Sirius frowned. “What?”

Remus shrugged.

“I’ve never had boundaries with you, Moons.”

Sirius tugged off his shirt, and Remus tried not to wince at the prominence of his ribs, the new scars and marks and tattoos. Sirius seemed to notice this, and averted his eyes. He tugged off his trousers and sunk into the water with a groan. Remus settled himself on the lip of the tub, up by Sirius’ head.

“That good?”

“Yeah.” Sirius’ eyes were closed, his expression blissful. “It’s been so fucking long since I’ve felt this good.” He took his time, soaking and scrubbing and

Remus smiled. “You still want me to do your hair?”

“Yeah. That would be- that would be great.”

Remus placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, easing him lower into the water. Sirius tilted his head back, soaking his hair to the roots.

“This is going to take a while.”

“Christ, just cut it all off.”

“I refuse. I love your hair.”

“Fine, fine.”

Remus lifted the long tangle up, getting proper access to it. Trying to comb through all of it was a lost cause; it was just too damaged and matted and reached well past his elbows. He snipped through the tangle just below Sirius’ shoulders, chucking the damp mass into the bin under the sink.

“I don’t remember this in Rapunzel.”

Sirius snorted.

He didn’t use much shampoo on a regular basis, but he squeezed out the contents of the few mostly-empty bottles he’d found into Sirius’ hair and massaged it into his scalp. Sirius moaned.

“You absolute dog. You’d better not have fleas.”

Sirius grinned, leaning into Remus’ hands.

Remus leaned over to the sink and chucked the toothbrushes out of the cup between the taps. He ducked into the bath water and poured it over Sirius’ scalp, earning him another moan. He eased Sirius back down into the water, washing out the shampoo and tugging the tangles apart.

Sirius winced as he pulled a little hard, and he pressed a kiss to his forehead in apology almost habitually. Sirius’ eyes blinked open in shock.

Remus carried on as if nothing had happened, mentally cursing himself. “You know,” he began conversationally, “They still make Sleekeazy’s.”

“No way. Really?”

“Yeah. Thank Merlin, I’d never get through this without it. Thank you, Monty, right?”

“Thank you, Monty.” Sirius looked wistful. “I’m glad his company’s still going.”

“He earned it.”

“Yeah.”

Remus took a bottle of it, pouring more than a few drops into Sirius’ hair. He began to comb through Sirius’ locks methodically, apologising each time he hissed or flinched. He was trying to be as gentle as possible, but 14 years was a long time. He couldn’t have guessed how long they sat like that but eventually Sirius’ hair was detangled and uneven. He took up the scissors again.

“How long do you want it?”

Sirius gestured to somewhere around his chin. “There, I guess?”

“Okay. I can’t promise this is going to be even. It’s been a long time since I did this.”

Sirius settled back, eyes closed, face pressed into the crook of Remus’ knee. “I trust you.”

And fuck if that didn’t make Remus want to weep right there. He carded his fingers through Sirius’ damp hair, smiling as he seemed to purr. He didn’t whisper, _Christ, I’ve missed you_. Nor did he whisper, _I love you. I always loved you. I never stopped_. He angled Sirius’ head up, combing it straight, and began to snip away at it.

It went a lot better than it by all rights should have.

When he helped Sirius out of the bath, Sirius caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sink, and the smile that lit up his face was brighter than anything Remus had seen in 14 years. He looked so much younger, so much more like himself. Remus cast a warming charm, drying the locks, and Sirius ran his hands through it almost disbelievingly.

He cast the same charm on a towel, and began to gently pat down Sirius’ shoulders. Their faces were so close like this, and the hopeful, almost expectant look in Sirius’ eyes was almost too much to bear. As he moved the towel further down, Sirius rested his arms over Remus shoulders and they were _so close_.

“What are we, now?” Remus’ voice bordered on reproachful.

“I’m not sure,” Sirius admitted, brow furrowed, “What do you want us to be?”

Remus couldn’t answer that. There was too much to put into words to say pressed together in the middle of his bathroom.

Sirius raised a hesitant hand to Remus’ face, and he leaned into it instinctively. “Can I kiss you?”

“Sirius...”

“Just say the word.” Sirius went to step away, but Remus’ hands flew up to catch his wrists. He leant in slowly, Sirius watching wide-eyed. He paused, barely inches apart, and flicked his gaze up. Sirius closed the gap.

\--

The clothes Sirius had picked out still lay, forgotten, in the bathroom.

The two men were tangled together on Remus’ bed, exchanging lazy kisses and tugging each other closer. Sirius’ newly cut hair tickled Remus’ nose as he nuzzled into his neck, sighing contentedly.

“I still love you.” Sirius’ voice was quiet, muffled, unsure.

“I never stopped loving you.” Remus pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “But are we still the same people we fell in love with? You love that Remus, and I love that Sirius. But us now? We’ve barely spoken in 14 years.”

“We’ve got time.” Sirius pushed himself up, propped over Remus. “I don’t know how much, but tell me you don’t want to try.”

Remus pulled him down, pressing their foreheads together. “It’s all I want.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated like you would not believe.


End file.
